Years After He Molested His Sisters, Josh Duggar Complained About Lack of Family Support, Being ‘Cut’ From Reality Show (Exclusive)

Josh Duggar wrote a message to his mother from jail voicing frustration with the ways that his life changed in May 2015 after it was revealed he molested four of his sisters when he was a teenager.

“[I]ts (sic) hard to be here while everyone is out going and doing. its (sic) especially hard in light of how things have been since may 2015 when everything was devastated for Anna and I,” Josh wrote in the message obtained by PEOPLE.

He then listed some of the changes that left him and Anna “devastated,” which included being “cut off from public view on tv” and “kept at arm’s length by most of the family” while “no one banded together to stand with us.”

Josh molested his four sisters between March 2002 and March 2003, according to a federal lawsuit the women filed against the city of Springdale and Washington County, a copy of which was obtained by PEOPLE.

The Duggars allegedly learned of the behavior in 2002 but did not report it to police immediately, instead choosing to handle it with the church and counseling, PEOPLE previously reported.

Word eventually spread in the community, and in 2006, the Arkansas Department of Human Services learned of the allegations when producers of Oprah Winfrey’s talk show forwarded the agency an anonymous email they received suggesting Josh had molested his sisters.

An investigation was subsequently launched by the Springdale Police Department and all parties involved were interviewed, however, charges were never filed.

A year later, in 2008, the Duggar family began filming the TLC reality series 17 Kids & Counting, which ran for 10 seasons and was cancelled after the scandal became public in May 2015 when In Touch Weekly had obtained the 2006 police report through a Freedom of Information Act request.

Amid the scandal, Josh released a statement to PEOPLE, saying: “Twelve years ago, as a young teenager, I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends. I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”

Just a few months later, TLC premiered a new reality series about the family titled Counting On.

That show did not feature Josh and Anna, though, and appeared to hide Josh using camera tricks, bright glares and other methods when he attended family events like his siblings’ weddings.

It was canceled after Josh was arrested on a federal charge of possessing child sexual abuse materials in 2021.

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Josh acknowledged in his jail message that his mother did support him “privately” in the wake of both of these incidents, saying he was “grateful” for that, but the oldest of 19 siblings continued that “it was as if there were 18 kids and life went on.”

Despite TLC publicly stating that Josh’s actions had been the cause for the cancellation of both series, he wrote to his mother that “the public statements and pr work to save shows and public images i feel were placed above family relationships,” adding that he believes they “still are to this day.”

He also told his mother that she “worr[ied] more about pr than anything else,” before writing: “I am not trying to shift blame for anything , I am saying please consider your role and change so that other children are not in the same situations later.”